16 Week Update

16 1/2 Weeks Pregnant

I’m nearly 17 weeks along (almost halfway, yay!) and anticipating the reveal of our baby’s sex on March 4th! I’m definitely showing and can feel baby move from time to time. I still get nauseous every now and again, but I am feeling much better at this point (unlike last time, when I was sick the whole darn pregnancy). I think I had a more “normal” experience with morning sickness this time around – I was nauseous often and vomiting about once per day, but none of this seven-times-in-one-day business. Fortunately, this time I usually felt the worst at night, which is when I had Sean’s help with Caleb. In general, I found the morning sickness bearable, and didn’t need to take medicine this time (…could this mean it’s a girl!?!?) I am SO grateful it’s been manageable this time, because I have no idea how I would have survived taking care of a *very* active little boy if I had been as sick as last time. I do know women who have done it and are still alive, though, so I suppose it’s possible 🙂

While the morning sickness has been better this round, I’ve had back pain since my first week of pregnancy (last time I didn’t experience back pain until after giving birth), and the pelvic pain that began during the third trimester last time, began near the end of the first trimester this time. The pain is still at a bearable stage if I limit movement, but I can no longer exercise (even just walking)…unless I want to be immobile and popping tylenol for the rest of the day 🙂 When I spoke with my doctor about it, she unhelpfully said: “hm, that’s bizarre…it’s obviously not due to weight…it’s probably a nerve…are you planning on having more kids?” Ha!

I feel less depressed than last time, largely due to the great support system we have here in Livermore, and all the wonderful “mom friends” I have who can relate to what I’m going through and are so encouraging to me (plus feeling less sick doesn’t hurt either). However, between the physical pain, wacky hormones, and unending exhaustion, I’ve definitely been struggling in all areas (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). I feel extremely unmotivated to do anything beyond the bare essentials, and find myself taking things just one day at a time. I guess I just don’t feel much like “myself” when I’m pregnant. I can’t focus or remember squat, I’m obsessively and frustratingly indecisive, I’m easily irritated, and I have a hard time emotionally connecting with God and others, among other things. I keep reminding myself that this won’t last forever, and will be over before I know it.    …And then I’ll have two kids and different problems 🙂

In more positive news, I’m eating better than last time (and started off 10-15 lbs. lighter at the beginning of this pregnancy, compared with last time), I have not drenched myself in urine, and I have not used a suppository yet…good thing I have 24 more weeks left for such entertaining blog material 😉

In non-pregnancy news, Caleb keeps me on my toes. Although he can be a very sweet boy, he is extremely strong-willed and knows exactly what he wants. He is highly independent, has never exhibited stranger or separation anxiety, has no fear of getting hurt, is always pushing physical limits, and has never cared much for cuddles. He will not take ‘no’ for an answer without a “nuclear meltdown” as we call it, and absolutely cannot comprehend why on earth you would not give him what he wants, if he prefaced it with “please”. I thought this wasn’t supposed to start until kids turned 2!? Such an overachiever. Anyways, instead of giving in, we usually attempt to distract him from such tantrums with absurd tactics such as armpit farting, mooning him, pretending to throw a tantrum ourselves, etc. Hey – if it works, it works…don’t judge.

Here are a few recent stories of typical life with Caleb:

About a month ago, I took Caleb for the first time to the library for toddler story time. It went about as well as I expected…which was an epic fail. He refused to sit down, he kept walking up close to the woman telling the story and blocking the book from everyone, he ran circles around the group, weaved in and out of the table and easels up front (nearly knocking them over), kept going in and out of a storage closet I couldn’t fit into, practically demanded another child’s snack even though he had his own (the kid was Asian, so of course he very politely obliged), and ran out into the library yelling…multiple times. There were about 30 other kids there, and I am not exaggerating when I say he was the only one pulling such shenanigans. All the while, I’m getting hot and nauseous from chasing him around and desperately trying to keep down my breakfast. When we were leaving, Caleb got away from me (yet again), and the librarian said “oh…it’s you.” Haha! I took a pretty awesome nap that afternoon.

Two days later, Caleb made a mad dash straight towards a 45 mph street and got about halfway into it before I could catch him (by God’s grace there weren’t any cars coming at the moment)! I hadn’t cried/hyperventilated so hard since Caleb was an infant and wouldn’t eat…it was a really scary experience. After I wrestled Caleb into his car seat, I spent 10 minutes calming myself down before I could manage the drive home. Of course he just thought it was the most hilarious experience and couldn’t stop laughing! ????????????

More recently we were at a park, when Caleb made a mad dash (darn those mad dashes…the kid is FAST) straight towards a clearly agitated, unleashed dog. Again, I ran as fast as my (pained) body could go, and scooped him up before disaster struck. Seriously? I cannot catch a break! All I can say is hopefully this mad-dash-straight-towards-impending-doom nonsense ends before I’m 8 months pregnant. I swear I’m gonna have a heart attack one of these days!

Though it’s true Caleb is a handful (for which I apparently have myself to thank…my mom says he is just like me when I was his age), he also has many wonderful qualities. For starters, he’s hilarious…and maybe a little OCD. He is always pointing out dirty spots on the carpet or trash outside, and exclaiming “EWWW! GROOOOSSSS!” He’s always asking to dust or vacuum, and I’m telling you, he really gets into it (video included below). Hopefully his fondness towards cleaning lasts until he’s at least 18 🙂 Whenever someone farts, he reliably yells “poop!”, which is pretty funny. He hates wearing clothes (he’s constantly discarding his pants), and loves running around naked after his bath. He’s flirtatious and particularly into blonde-haired girls, and likes to tell them they’re “pretty.” He had his dream come true this Valentine’s day when he was fed chocolate covered strawberries by (blonde) Tanza Lewis, while groping her leg (reference below picture).

Let’s see…whenever he has seen me dry heave or barf, he starts to imitate me. He has an “evil laugh” that inevitably surfaces when he is trying to pull out my earrings. He loves babies, and usually tries to hug and/or kiss them, and becomes very concerned if they are crying. Our friends with dogs know they have to put the dog bowl up before Caleb comes for a play date, because without a doubt, he will flip it. He typically plays very well with other kids, and is especially fond of his friend Isaac. His laugh makes me happy, and in the rare moments he concedes to giving me a hug or kiss, I’m even happier 🙂

Should We Seek God’s Will For Our Lives?

[I began writing this post several months ago, but life happened (literally, haha), so I haven’t been writing much lately. It may seem a bit outdated now, but I think it’s a good post and worthy of publishing.]

When we announced that we would be housing a homeless woman and her newborn twins, many people said to us: “Wow, that is so amazing you were called by God to do this.” While we found the support encouraging, those words also struck us a bit funny. It seemed like people thought we had either a) received a very specific, unique leading from God to do that, and/or b) that God had given us certain gifts/strengths to be involved in this type of ministry. In actuality, neither are true.

Many Christians desire to know God’s will for their lives and spend a great deal of time attempting to discover it. We pray and wait for that moment when God reveals his mysterious and secret “plan” for our lives. We hope it will be obvious and perfectly clear, like a billboard on the freeway, an angel appearing in the night, or an audible voice that tells us specifically what to do. In the absence of such spectacular works of God, we find subtler methods of grabbing at any available glimpse of that step-by-step road map He seems to be keeping just out of our reach. However, in our case with this woman, and in most cases, there was no supernatural guidance directing our path. The way we sensed “our calling” was simply this – we read in the Bible we are to love and serve those in need, and we have extra rooms in our house. Period. The End. There was no billboard, no angel, and no voice. Just doing what Jesus said to do.

A couple months ago at church, my pastor, Steve Madsen, put it this way – “Each of us has already been given a big portion of our life assignment. It’s in the scriptures. 90% of your life assignment has already been given to you…You’re only waiting for the local application of what God said to do.” Too often, we over complicate the assignment God has given us. Sadly, all the time we spend searching for God’s specific plan for our lives could be used to accomplish the aspects of His plan that have already been very clearly communicated in the Bible.

In his book Forgotten God, Francis Chan has the following to say about searching for “God’s will”:

There are very few people in the Scriptures who received their life plan from God in advance (or even their five-year plan, for that matter!). Consider Abraham, who was told to pack up his family and all his possessions and start walking. He didn’t know where he was going. He didn’t know if he would ever be back. He didn’t know any of the details we consider vital (e.g., his destination, how long the venture would take, what the cost/rewards would be, whether he’d receive a 401(k) or health insurance). God said to go and he went, and that’s pretty much all he knew.

I think a lot of us need to forget about God’s will for my life. God cares more about our response to His Spirit’s leading today, in this moment, than about what we intend to do next year. In fact, the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now, in today’s decisions.

It is easy to use the phrase “God’s will for my life” as an excuse for inaction or even disobedience. It’s much less demanding to think about God’s will for your future than it is to ask Him what He wants you to do in the next ten minutes. It’s safer to commit to following Him someday instead of this day.

I believe there are two central barriers that have blinded us from the obvious – fear and pride. It is scary to take the commands of Christ seriously, and it is costly to live as He lived. We are afraid of losing the things we have worked so hard for in this life, so we rationalize our avoidance of obedience by convincing ourselves that the simple (yet difficult) commands must be “somebody else’s calling.” In our pride, we would like to believe that God’s plan for our life is more advanced than what He has already laid out in His word. In essence, we are thinking: “Why would God waste such an awesome and gifted individual, like myself, by calling me to the same stuff as everyone else?” The real question is: “Why would God entrust us with special, specific tasks, if we are not obedient to the basic commands we already know?”

Now before you start thinking: “But I’m sure you must have certain giftings and strengths that equipped you to take this woman in” – let me assure you, my strength finders score says otherwise 🙂 I’m a planner, and in this situation, plans were changing more rapidly than I could have imagined. Prior to this experience, we knew little to nothing about drug addiction. I am an introvert, and highly value my personal space and alone time. Hospitality is not one of our strengths and it typically stresses me out. You get the picture…this was one of those times when we were way outside our comfort zones and definitely operating out of our weaknesses. Honestly, it was a painfully stretching and difficult experience for me, and I was literally forced to rely on God every few minutes for wisdom and strength. At the same time, it was a wonderful experience because we knew we were living out what God called Christians to do by loving those in need. God gives each of us unique strengths that he expects us to use, but that does not mean we will always be operating in those strengths in following His call to love Him and others.

Lest you are now under the impression we are so great at following God’s will as laid out in His Word, I assure you, we are not. I often miss the mark and even deliberately choose to ignore His will, but I am trying, and I think I’m moving in the right direction. It is a continual process of growth as I choose to submit to Him.

To wrap this post up, here are my thoughts for those who want to discover what God’s will for your life is:

  1. Read the Bible. Makes sense, right? We can’t know what God’s heart or will is without going directly to the source and reading what His heart and will is.
  2. Pray for the Holy Spirit to give you the will and ability to follow through on what Jesus calls us to do in the Bible.
  3. Consider the resources God has graciously given you, for example: money, time, a home with vacancies, your spiritual gifts, general strengths, etc., and ask Him how you can use them to glorify Him now.
  4. Act! You don’t have to take on all the world’s problems at once, but simply begin by tackling one thing that God has put before you.

2012 Year-In-Review

I’ve been absent from the blogosphere for awhile because I’m pregnant (i.e. sick and tired), and have no motivation to do anything right now that isn’t absolutely required of me (and even then, it’s iffy) 🙂 I did, however, muster up the will to write out 17 notable events of 2012…in no particular order:

1. 2012 was a year of detoxing after our crazy and highly transitional 2011. It was the most stable year of our lives since graduating from high school – we lived in one place for the entire calendar year!

2. Celebrated our 5 year anniversary.

3. Became pregnant with our second child.

4. Caught viruses from “Caleb the Carrier,” 10 of the 12 months (he was sick himself only two or three times).

5. We survived Armageddon.

6. Caleb learned to walk, talk, understand what we’re saying to him, and ignore us.

7. Started blogging again and wrote 57 posts. I had the most fun writing about my pregnancy with Caleb, his birth, and my recovery, and found the process very therapeutic! 🙂

8. In July, Great Grandma Kay Fox passed away 🙁 I only met her once at our wedding, and sadly, she never met Caleb, but I know she was a wonderful woman! She will be missed.

9. November 9th, 2012, marked 10 years since Sean’s close brush with death.

10. Housed a woman struggling with meth addiction and her newborn twins.

11. Made a lot of great friends through our Church, who we are excited to do life with in 2013.

12. Two of my best friends married each other (finally)!

13. Caleb met his great-grandma Jane and his great-grandpa Jim, who traveled all the way to CA from IL.

14. We hosted some wonderful house guests including my sister Allison, my mom, the Dods’, and the Cook’s.

15. Sean was interviewed to be a juror on a murder case, but was dismissed for being too weird.

16. Completed work on Caleb’s room, the family room, and are nearly finished with our kitchen and guest room (photos to come).

17. God did an amazing redemptive work in the marriage of our friends Liana and Jeremy, whose vow renewals we were privileged to attend. Blog post coming – stay tuned!

 

Overall, 2012 was a great year full of blessings. We have much to be thankful for and are so grateful to the Lord for His unconditional love and grace in our lives. Looking forward to meeting Baby Felks #2 this year!

 

Baby Katie Beth Update

Author: Kevin Schlichter

Last February Melissa wrote an entry on Upstream Swimming about our daughter, Kathryn, and asked all of you to be praying for our family. Perhaps you’ve been wondering how that all turned out, so here’s a Thanksgiving update on her situation.

To recap, a few weeks before birth Kathryn Elizabeth (heretofore known as Katie Beth, KB, Kat, Kitty, Katie, or The Reason I’ve Been Super Angry and Not Sleeping for Nine Months) was diagnosed with ventriculomegaly, then born with congenital defects in her ears, nose, and mouth, and a couple of days later she was unofficially diagnosed with Zellweger Syndrome and tested positive for Human Cytomegalovirus (HCMV). Off the record we were told by one of her specialists that she had no more than six months to live—at the absolute longest. That’s when word started to spread. First our friends started to pray and word quickly spread to others in our church, then relatives, and then their friends and churches started to pray. We were getting cards, flowers, and e-mails from people we didn’t know all over the country telling us they were praying for us. And I don’t know why—I don’t know why He does anything that He does—but God answered those prayers in a way we didn’t expect.

Three days after she was born her ears had moved into a normal location and, although we had originally been told to expect difficulty, she was breathing and eating on her own. After a lot of blood samples, an MRI, and two months of waiting for genetic testing at the Mayo Clinic, her official diagnosis was made: Katie does not have Zellweger Syndrome—or any other known genetic defect. We had been praying for strength to get through the trial, hoping that the loss of a child wouldn’t ruin our marriage and that we’d be able to try again, but He had healed our daughter instead. She still has some brain damage and there may be other long-term effects from the HCMV, but so far she is doing well. In fact, she has been developing perfectly normally. She excels in her intelligence and fine motor skill tests at physical therapy (yeah, infant physical therapy) impressing her doctors with her ability to manipulate a pacifier into the correct position before putting it in her mouth, and her ability to hold her own bottle to feed herself. Kitty has been doing both of these for several months now. Her strength continues to lag, but not by a concerning amount and Robyn and I aren’t muscular anyhow. KB’s head is even a normal size—it was supposed to be disproportionately small as a result of the HCMV.

So this Thanksgiving we’re thankful for our daughter. We’re thankful that she’s here with us, but also for the experience—we grew as a couple and our relationship was affected positively by it. We’re stronger as a team; have a healthier perspective on certain things; opened up to each other and gained a level of intimacy we’ve never shared before. I wouldn’t wish an experience like this on my worst enemy, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Like everything else we do with God, it isn’t easy but it’s very worthwhile.

We’re thankful for our church family, friends, and relatives who supported us in very material ways. We fed not only ourselves, but at least one other family with the food that was brought to us at home and in the hospital. Our dogs were cared for, and we almost had our yard re-landscaped as well. Being around people like the Felkers pushes us to live our lives for God in tangible and meaningful ways. We’re thankful for the example you’ve all demonstrated for us.

Finally, and this is last because I want it to be remembered first, we’re thankful for your prayers. I don’t know why He healed Kathryn and not the other kids in the NICU, but seeing the People of God care for each other always encourages me immensely and provides the best witness I know of. So thank you for taking the time out of your day to pray for us, whom you’ve never met. You can’t fix everything, but you’ve made a difference to us.

http://kathrynelizabethschlichter.shutterfly.com/ 

Capable: Finding Dignity and Community

Sean and I financially support HOPE International, which is a microfinance organization helping people around the world to escape poverty by providing microloans, savings services, training and mentoring. HOPE is a really cool organization – watch this video to see what they do and hear Fadzai’s moving story!

It’s the 10 Year Anniversary of my Husband’s Death

Well, depending on your technical definition of death 🙂 In any case, Sean came seconds away from meeting Jesus face to face 10 years ago today. An article was written about the incident in January of 2003 in the Pleasanton Weekly from his dad’s perspective, which I copied and pasted below:

“The Day His Son’s Heart Stopped“

Brian Felker headed out to the garage the morning of Nov. 9 with his son Sean, 18, happy to have him home from UC Santa Barbara for the weekend. As they were moving things in the minivan, Sean suddenly stepped out of the vehicle and lay on the ground.

“I thought he was goofing around,” said Brian Felker, who was feeling great to be with his son again. But his high spirits plummeted as he saw that Sean looked like he was having a seizure.

“His eyes rolled back. I went over to him and put my hand under his head,” recalled Felker. “I yelled at my wife to call 911.”

“His heart rate continued to climb and climb, like a horse in a race,” said Felker. “He was turning bright red. After some period of time, he then absolutely deflated. He then stopped breathing, his color went white. I couldn’t believe my son’s heart was stopping.”

Luckily Felker, who is a mechanical engineer at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratories, receives CPR and first aid training regularly.

“All I could remember was ABC – airway clearing, breathing and chest compression,” said Felker. “I stuck my fingers down his throat and pulled his tongue out. He took a breath on his own. He took a second breath but it was much weaker. Then he took in no breaths.”

Felker knew he had to do Sean’s breathing for him. “My first breath went into his stomach, I could see that it rose and that really disturbed me. I thought, ‘I know this is wrong because I want the air to go into his chest.’ I couldn’t remember what’s right. I went to give him air again and gave him a couple of breaths. This time his stomach was not bloating.”

At this point, his wife Joann came out of the house holding the portable phone. She relayed to the 911 dispatcher what was happening.

“I cleared his tongue again and said, all right, I have to do chest compressions. If I break his ribs I will love it if he hates me later,” remembered Felker.

All the time he wondered whether he was doing it right. He repositioned Sean’s neck, tipping his head back so he could blow the air in correctly. Chest compressions. Breathing. Chest compressions. Breathing.

“I kept this up, maybe six cycles and at that point could hear the sirens,” Felker said. “I said, ‘Thank you, Jesus.’ I lost track of time.”

Once he knew help was almost there, he relaxed and kept up the efforts. The paramedics told him to keep on going while they set up their equipment. “Within 15 to 30 seconds they said, ‘OK, sir, we’ll take over,'” Felker recalled.

“Another fireman touched me on the should and said, ‘Sir, you need to take care of your family.'”

He and Joann have three others sons: Drew, 15, Matthew, 12, and Jeffrey, 10. “Matthew had the presence of mind to run to our neighbor’s house, who is a fireman, but he wasn’t home.”

Capt. Scott Gatkin was on duty at Station 9 of the Livermore-Pleasanton Fire Department when the call came in.

“We found out the boy was in cardiac arrest,” said Gatkin. “We defibrillated. We put an endo-trachial tube in to facilitate his breathing and started an IV and started medications.”

He continued, “On the scene we were able to return his pulse and blood pressure. By the time we were at the hospital he had spontaneous breathing.”

“Even with all our equipment and our rapid response, if his father didn’t start CPR he may have survived, but he would not have been going back to school,” Gatkin said. “When the heart stops, there is no oxygen going to the brain and the cells start dying within just a few minutes. Even with all we can do and what can be done at the hospital to correct these problems, if you don’t keep the brain alive, someone may just survive to be on a ventilator, in a vegetative state.”

Sean’s story had a happy ending. He was taken to ValleyCare Medical Center, where he was diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White Syndrome, which means an extra electrical pathway in his heart. He’d noticed symptoms in high school when he didn’t cool down during sports as others did. He was transferred to Mt. Diablo Medical Center where doctors operated to correct the condition.

“When the doctors came out, they were ecstatic,” reported Felker. “They said, ‘He is not just 50 percent better. Now he has a heart like yours or mine.'”

Sean was back at UC Santa Barbara 22 days later. His dad is signing up for another CPR class, although he has taken it about four times over his 23 years at the Lab.

Not only did he return to UCSB 22 days later, but four years later he graduated top of his class in the entire college of engineering…even with all that brain damage 🙂 Also, two facts the article didn’t mention are that Sean was defibrillated five times before a pulse was detected, and spent the subsequent four days in a coma.

Sean and his younger brothers, 3 weeks after his heart stopped. Amazing!

It’s an emotional day for me today as I reflect on how drastically different my life would be without Sean. The outcome would have been so different if he had been alone or with someone who didn’t know CPR. He is my very best friend and God’s greatest gift to me (aside from salvation of course). I’m grappling with words to fully describe how amazing he is, and how thankful I am for him. I truly believe he is the greatest husband and father, and I respect him so much. I come from a long line of broken relationships/divorce, and I will be the first generation to break that cycle, as we are both steadfastly committed to our marriage and faith. Equally as exciting, Caleb+ will be the first in my line to experience a peaceful home in which their parents love God and each other.

Personally, I don’t know anyone who better exemplifies the fruit of the spirit – anyone close to Sean knows he is so full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. He daily lives out Ephesians 5:25 with great humility – “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” For evidence of this, just read my series about my pregnancy with Caleb, and you will know exactly what I mean! I was once told that I hit the “jackpot” with Sean, and it’s true, I did 😉

Thank you, God, for saving my husband in more ways than one. His life has impacted so many, and my heart overflows with joy and gratitude today for your graciousness in allowing him to stay.

Housemate Update

Unfortunately, helping the young woman and her twins did not work out as we hoped. Without going into millions of details (I wouldn’t even know where to begin), she ultimately is not at a place in her life where she is ready to tackle long-term recovery from her drug addiction, and is no longer staying with us (of her own volition).

At the moment I feel bummed. I am sad for her and her children, and that she threw away an opportunity to remove herself from a negative environment and pursue healthiness and stability. I am sad to know what her children have endured and what they will likely continue to endure. I am sad that our investment in this young woman’s life did not yield change (or at least any change I can see). I am also dealing with some feelings of failure – like if I had done some things differently, the outcome might have been different. But ultimately, I know that God is in control and loves her and her kids (way!) more than I do, and that truth is something I have had to return to over and over. I will continue to pray for her and her kids – mainly that God would change her heart, transform her life from the inside out, and set her free.

Though I feel a great deal of sadness, I also feel relief. Honestly, the last few weeks have been extremely stressful and draining for us. The experience was a roller coaster of ups and downs and we truly put every ounce of time and energy we possessed into helping her, and it was exhausting. This experience only lasted 2.5 weeks, but I think we will need twice that just to recover 🙂 The situation was painfully stretching for me and I was forced to rely on the Lord in a unique way I had never experienced before. Once I have had a little more time to fully process everything, I will share more of my thoughts in an upcoming blog.

We really want to thank all you who prayed for us, encouraged us, and donated clothes, baby items, etc. We felt so loved and supported by you and are so grateful we didn’t go through this alone. It was such a blessing to have so many fellow Christians come alongside us in this whole process and demonstrate the love of Christ 🙂

We’re Getting Three Housemates!

When we moved to the east bay last summer and bought a house, we purchased a four bedroom home because our plan is to eventually adopt as many children as God gives us capacity for. As we searched for homes, we decided it wise to purchase a bigger home now, in order to provide for these children down the road while housing prices and interest rates are so low. However, with just the three of us right now, we are only using two of the four bedrooms.

Since moving in, I have entertained the idea of using our downstairs bedroom to provide housing to someone in need once we set the room up. It just seems to me a colossal waste (and selfish hoarding), to have two empty bedrooms while there are so many who are homeless (particularly in this economy). We finally finished our guest room in July, but the summer had been a busy one and I put my hopes to use the room to bless someone on the back burner. Then on August 4th, I saw a status update in my facebook news feed that caught my eye. It was written by a woman who I met while Sean and I were raising funds to be missionaries with Campus Crusade for Christ (and who faithfully supported us while we were on staff with the organization). It read:

Hey I woudn’t have made it if it weren’t for someone who stepped out of their “nice little life” and brought me and my daughter in during a very bad time in my life. Think about it……. God saves but He uses His people to help other people. I will always be grateful to Alan and Danette Lauer who opened their house to me, a lost, broken up drug addict in the 70’s. Did they know what they were doing? NO… But did they trust God? YES AND I AM SO GRATEFUL!

I read the post over and over and couldn’t stop tears from welling up in my eyes. What a powerful testimony! I don’t even know this woman well personally, but I do know she is an amazing woman of God and has an incredible, thriving prison ministry that is impacting numerous inmates’ lives. I just kept thinking: “I want us to be them. I want us to be Alan and Danette Lauer. We have no idea what we’re doing either, but I want to trust God like that.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about her post for the rest of August, so during our 5 year anniversary get-away over labor day weekend, I brought it up to Sean. I read him her post and my desire for us to open up our downstairs bedroom to someone in need. He readily agreed, so we added “contact our church to see if they know anyone in need who could use our downstairs bedroom for free to bless them (single mom, a young girl who recently aged out of the foster care system, missionaries, etc.)” to our list of actions we wanted to take immediately.

When we returned from the trip, I emailed the local missions director at our church to ask her if she knew of anyone. Within a couple of days, I received a response that she indeed knew of a single mother of four who was currently pregnant with twins and living in a motel. She said she has known this family for quite some time and believes this is the turning point for this young woman. She also informed me that her children were being placed with a “safe family” (a family that agrees to take care of children for a short period of time during a crisis situation). After receiving her email, we set up a time to meet this last Thursday (9/20) to discuss this young woman’s situation further.

At the meeting, I quickly received a curve ball and was told she had delivered the twin boys via emergency c section at 35 weeks gestation the day earlier. During the meeting, I just kept thinking: “I can’t imagine having just had a major surgery, two newborn babies, no home to call my own, and no help from a spouse.” I came home and told Sean all about the meeting, we prayed together, and determined this is something God is calling us to do. So tonight this young woman will be coming to stay with us, and her twins (who are one week old today), will soon follow when they get released from the NICU. Talk about a madhouse! 🙂 Right now, our commitment is to provide housing for her, help her care for her twins, assist her in securing longer-term housing, and enable her to attend an addict recovery program during the next 5-6 weeks.

This may just be the craziest thing we’ve ever done (or at least right up there), and while I’m apprehensive about the unknown and selfishly grieving all the sacrifices we’ll have to make, I am thrilled by this opportunity to lay down my life (John 15:13), and to deny myself and take up my cross to follow Jesus (Luke 9:23). 1 John 3:16-18 states: “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?  Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

Even if this young woman’s life remains unchanged by this experience, I know our lives will forever be changed (and I hope this will be the first of many more opportunities like this to come). Though this experience will be difficult, I’m sure, I am excited for my character to be refined and molded more and more into the likeness of Jesus. “At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done. We will be judged by ‘I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat, I was naked and you clothed me. I was homeless, and you took me in.’” -Mother Teresa

Please be praying for all six of us during this time, we will need it!! But hey…good thing God won’t give us more than we can handle right!? Haha! 😉 But seriously, this will be a great opportunity to put into practice what I recently blogged about. Isn’t it funny how God does that?? Maybe I should be more careful what I blog about in the future, because it seems He likes to test me on my subject matter soon after posting to see if I really understand 🙂

5 Year Marriage Eval

View from our balcony

Making fun of Caleb’s stank face of course…seriously, this is what he looks like half the time

Sean and I just returned from a fun trip celebrating our 5 year anniversary in Santa Barbara where we met at school! It was the first time I was separated from Caleb for more than six hours since he was born, and while we missed him a lot, it was great to spend three days of uninterrupted time with each other (and from what I hear, Caleb had a blast with his nana, pop pop, and uncles)! Yesterday morning I asked Caleb if he wanted “mama” or “nana,” and he said “nana”…burned! Haha!

While the trip was super restful, we also used it as a time for us to intentionally take a pulse of our marriage and lives in general. We brought Mark and Grace Driscoll’s book “Real Marriage” on the trip, and over the course of the weekend, we talked through each question at the end of the book. We concluded the weekend by creating a list of areas of maturation for us and goals to work towards, as well as areas we agreed we are experiencing success in. I decided to share both lists on my blog as a record for us to reference, as well as for accountability. If I share our areas of needed growth publicly, I think we will be more likely to take them seriously. We also invite those of you who are actively involved in our lives to hold us accountable to these things, and periodically check in with us and ask how we’re doing with them.

20 areas of growth/actions we want to take immediately/future goals of ours:

  • Sean wants to begin attending the Wed. morning men’s Bible study to be in fellowship with older men
  • Pray for mentors/mentees for both of us
  • Enroll Caleb in an LARPD class to meet moms in the area who are not from my church (in order to branch out my friendships)
  • Invite our neighbors over for dinner
  • Sean wants to consistently bike to/from work four days a week
  • Be in bed by 11 pm so we get more sleep
  • We have appointed Friday nights as our sabbath and want to respect that
  • Make a meal plan, eat more meals with Caleb, and I want to cook more (Sean does a lot of cooking)
  • Walk together at least three times a week to pray as a family
  • Sean wants to grow in spiritual leadership of our family
  • Begin researching adoption options more in depth
  • Grow in hospitality and invite couples from our young married’s bible study over for dinner at least once a month
  • Sean wants to pursue friendships with other men more and I want to pursue deeper friendships with my women friends in Livermore
  • Finish working on our kitchen, downstairs bathroom, and laundry room by January
  • Pray for our families more
  • Watch less TV and read more instead
  • Be more disciplined about reading the Bible daily
  • Work towards buying a bigger car next summer
  • Strive to be more welcoming and outgoing in group settings
  • Contact our church to see if they know anyone in need who could use our downstairs bedroom for free to bless them (single mom, a young girl who recently aged out of the foster care system, missionaries, etc.) I know this one will be hard for me because I really value my privacy/alone time, but Jesus said to deny myself and lay down my life for others…so I will work towards that

20 strengths of ours:

  • We communicate well and are honest, open, and transparent with one another
  • Actively pursuing community and friendships in Livermore
  • Recently took on a leadership role in our young married’s bible study at church
  • Faithful in attending our church weekly
  • Pursuing relationships with our neighbors
  • Serve one another well and share the work load (personally I would say Sean does this better than me)
  • Staying “mission minded”
  • Always self-evaluating and checking if we are really living out our faith
  • I have done a good job exercising consistently
  • Consistently praying individually
  • Take our respective jobs seriously and are hard workers
  • Spend/save money wisely and tithe 10% (and more) of our income faithfully
  • Make connecting with each other a priority
  • Verbally affirm each other often
  • Genuinely enjoy one another
  • Challenge one another and push each other to become more like Christ
  • Both of us spend a lot of quality time with Caleb
  • Constantly have meaningful conversations and are always seeking to learn and grow
  • Always eat dinner together
  • “Fight” well (i.e. we don’t yell at each other, we resolve the issue before going to sleep, we strive to empathize with one another, etc.)

Of course we could easily come up with far more than 20 areas we could pursue growth in, but I think that’s a good/manageable start. I’m excited to see what God does as we strive to make healthy spiritual, emotional, and physical changes in our lives moving forward from here!