Just For Fun – Page 4 – Felker Family Blog

Don’t Buy Stuff You Cannot Afford

Hilarious…one of my fave SNL skits. So simple, but such a difficult concept for most Americans. Both of us have always operated on this “revolutionary” model and we’ve stayed debt-free (with the exception of purchasing a home, since avoiding a home loan is simply not a feasible option in CA, unless you are a cajillionaire)! Even then, we chose a home within our means. I’m sure I’ll write more on this topic in the future…

Adventures in Parenting, Chapter 1: Why You Should Never Show Your Friends How to Use a Video Baby Monitor

Just for fun, we decided to create an ongoing, open-ended series called “Adventures in Parenting” to document those hilarious stories that deserve to be remembered and shared as we navigate the unknown world (to us) of child rearing.

Parenthood is a lot of things, but it is not dull. As first time parents, we are constantly finding ourselves in unexpected scenarios that remained uncharted before children. The learning curve is ridiculously high and if you don’t learn to laugh at yourself, you will probably go crazy. We will begin our “Adventures in Parenting” saga with why you should never show your friends how to use a video baby monitor.When Caleb was approximately 7 months old, our great friends Ashley and Brenton came to visit to see our new home/meet Caleb for the first time. In the course of conversation, we demonstrated some of our cool, modern baby gadgets including a video baby monitoring device. On our particular video monitor, one of the many neat features is the ability to move the camera side-to-side from a remote location. Later that evening, Sean went upstairs to give Caleb a bath. About two minutes after they left, I heard him yell “LITTLE HELP!!” in a very alarmed voice. I ran upstairs to our master bathroom to find Caleb completely covered in poop and Sean holding him at arms length in disgust. We didn’t have any wet wipes in the master bathroom, so I told Sean we should run down the hall to Caleb’s room and together we could tag team it and clean Caleb up fast. For those of you who have children, I think you will concur that “blow outs” are best tackled by two parents, not one.

Oh…here’s probably the appropriate place to mention a key piece of information – Sean was butt naked. At that point in time, it was still more convenient for him to just get in the bath with Caleb to wash him (we never did like the infant bath tubs, so awkward…plus it was good father/son bonding time). I assured Sean we would hurry and everything would be fine since I knew Brenton and Ashley were out of view in our family room downstairs. He agreed, so we quickly ran down the hall and as we were cleaning up Caleb’s blow out, a sixth sense came over me. As it slowly dawned on me that I had left the remote control for the monitor in the family room, AND that Ashley and Brenton could hear on the monitor that we were in Caleb’s room, AND that we had previously instructed them on how it works, AND that they are incredibly mischievous pranksters, I turned around to see the camera swiftly rotating from facing the crib over to the changing table where we were standing. I lunged towards the camera yelling “AH!! NO!! he’s naked, he’s naked!!” Unfortunately, I’m pretty positive they thought I was referring to Caleb since the camera continued revolving with zero hesitation.

To this day, they swear they did not see Sean’s birthday suit…but I have some serious doubts since they will no longer look Sean in the eye. Just kidding! What a great laugh though 🙂 And just in case you’re wondering – yes, thenceforth we had a ready supply of wet wipes in the master bathroom.

10 Ways Pregnancy Crushed My Dignity: Part 10, the Pinnacle – Diarrhomit

If you haven’t yet read the intro to this series, you should do so before reading on for some context.

Ok, so I’ve already covered the constipation, appetite issues, weight gain, “morning” sickness, incontinence, crazy hormones, back pain, rib pain, and pelvic pain. What could possibly be left, you ask? Well, ironically, the worst night of my entire pregnancy was instigated by something that had nothing to do with pregnancy, but was made so much worse by the fact that I was pregnant and already miserable. The story goes something like this:

Midway through my pregnancy, Sean and I were hanging out on the couch watching TV, when I was suddenly hit with the absolute *worst* cramps I had ever experienced in my entire life. They were toe-curlers for sure – I couldn’t breathe, talk, or move when they occurred. Approximately 30 minutes after their onset, Sean had himself convinced that I was experiencing labor contractions – MUCH too early. As we debated whether or not to go to the hospital, I paid closer attention to the pain and decided they felt more like intestinal cramps than uterine cramps. I eventually convinced Sean that I was not going into labor and that my body would resolve the issue on its own. At that point it was past midnight, so I told him he should just go to bed because he had to get up extra early the next morning.

The cramps continued increasing in intensity, and I vividly recall lying in a fetal position on the floor outside our bathroom with my face smashed into the carpet, butt up in the air, rocking back and forth as I prayed that God would relieve the pain quickly. Two hours (and a semi-permanent carpet imprint on my face) later, I finally got that familiar feeling which confirmed my pain was indeed intestinal. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking – “oh crap…not another poop story.” Mm hmm, that’s right…another poop story. Uncomfortable? Read this book to help you overcome.

I mustered up the courage to drag myself off the floor and tried my darndest to get things moving. Unfortunately, it was slow progress (remember, I was ridiculously constipated and probably had about a weeks worth of backlog to unload before clearing the way for any of the new stuff). I made my way back and forth between the toilet and my balled-up position on the floor, and this pattern continued for about 30 minutes. As the cramps became worse and peaked in potency, the overwhelming pain began triggering waves of nausea (recall that I was easily susceptible to nausea during my entire pregnancy).

By the time 3 am rolled around and I had taken five or six trips to the bathroom, I eventually managed to de-clog the gatekeepers and was feeling optimistic that the next round could be the winner. I dragged myself off the floor once again and plopped myself on the toilet – just in time for the floodgates to open. It literally felt like I was pooping out my last six meals – in liquid form. As awesome as this felt, it pushed my growing nausea over the top. It was the point of no return – I knew the vomit was coming whether I liked it or not. I yelled at the top of my lungs for Sean (who was asleep) to “bring me something to barf in NOW!!” With an impressive fireman-like response time, he jumped out of bed, ran down the hall, and I heard him dump the contents of our trash can in the middle of the living room. At the same moment he yelled “hold on, I’m bringing the trash can!”, an explosive amount of vomit erupted from my mouth – all over myself, the bath tub, and the floor…all the while diarrhea-ing out my seventh and eighth latest meal 🙂 And Sean says I’m not a good multi-tasker…

So that’s when Sean arrived on the scene – and let me tell you, it was quite the scene to behold. After assuring alarmed, half-asleep Sean that my vomit was red due to the hot cheetoes I had consumed the day before and not blood, he said “I’ll be right back,” and left before I could ask where he was going. He quickly returned – camera in hand. I’m pretty sure I said something like “are you serious right now!?” To which he replied “oh yeah, dead serious…we eventually have to show the baby all the havoc he has caused.” I at least convinced him to let me clean myself up, flush the toilet, and return to my cocoon on the floor before he proceeded to take pictures of the vomit-filled bath tub. So in case any of you questioned the validity of this story – here is the evidence:

I’m sorry, I know this picture is absolutely disgusting and it is 100% not kosher to post something like this on a blog (or anywhere for that matter), but I just couldn’t resist. Again, I apologize. *Snicker snicker* haha! I should really write a sequel to the “everyone poops” book called “everyone vomits” with this picture on the cover…it’s sure to be a hit.

Well that little incident of “diarrhomit” as I like to call it definitely brought quite a bit of relief, but I was still in a significant amount of pain even after that. As Sean cleaned up the toilet, floor, and bath tub (what a sucker), I returned to my fetal position and continued to wait. Finally, after three of four more rounds, my body finished purging what I later discovered was moldy raspberries. Apparently there’s nothing like moldy raspberries when it comes to making your body want to explode out of every orifice…it’s such a shame too, raspberries used to be my favorite fruit.

So there you have it…it was the food poisoning and resulting diarrhomit that ultimately takes the dignity-crushing cake of the whole 9 months. Others come very close, but I do declare that the combination of labor-like cramps, stained toilet, vomit-covered bathroom, and trash-filled living room makes this incident the trophy winner.

I hope you enjoyed reading this series and got something out of it – maybe a laugh, encouragement, education, your own bout of nausea from that picture above, or increased empathy for those who have difficult pregnancies. Oh and just in case you’re wondering, the doc told me my next pregnancy would be just as awful. So for all you sadists out there, I’m signing off until next time…

The other 9 ways pregnancy crushed my dignity:

Part 1 – Constipation
Parts 2 & 3 – Appetite and Weight Gain
Part 4 – Mourning Sickness
Part 5 – Incontinence
Part 6 – Crazy Hormones
Parts 7, 8, & 9 – Pain, Pain, Pain

Also, read about Caleb’s birth:

Caleb’s Birth Story: Rated PG-13 for Language, Nudity, and Drugs 🙂

And here’s the adventures we had after Caleb’s birth:

Caleb’s Afterbirth – the Hospital (Part 1)
Caleb’s Afterbirth – the Neighbs (Part 2)
Caleb’s Afterbirth – Breastfeeding Blues (Part 3)
Caleb’s Afterbirth – Body Slammed (Part 4)
Caleb’s Afterbirth – Am I an Incompetent Parent (Part 5)

The Transformation of our Family Room

We finally finished our family room after four months of extensive remodeling (alliteration not intended)! It was a ton of work and we’re hoping the rest of the rooms will not be quite as time consuming. This is what it looked like before we moved in:

Yes, that is a jet black wall…

…And a dark brown wall…

…And a salmon colored wall…yep, 3 different colors

Since I’m a southern California girl at heart and grew up 15 minutes from the ocean, we decided to go with a coastal theme for our home so I can trick myself into thinking I’m warm up here in freezing northern California 🙂 I’ll give you one point for detecting each aspect of the room we changed in this first picture of what it looks like now…kinda like the game “I spy.” There may or may not be a prize for the winner 😉

Sean installed all three of those wall lights himself (one on the left, two on the right), and connected them to the switch so we wouldn’t need lamps. We also painted the room blue, but that’s pretty obvious.

See that awesome crown molding up top?? Sean did that too (with some help from our brother-in-law, Jake)

Does the fireplace/mantle look different to you from the original photos? It should. We (tediously) painted it because we hated the red brick. We painted the brick white, and the mantle/mortar beige. A much more coastal look.

First TV we’ve ever bought, got a great deal on Amazon

First couch we’ve ever bought new – so thankful we didn’t need to spend hours and hours cleaning pet hair off it after we got it (like every time in the past)! It fits perfectly and maximizes seating in the room.

Put up some bird decals to seal the deal on the beach theme

We swapped out the ugly black curtain for some nice white blinds

We just attended a parenting class at our church last week, and one of the speaker’s suggestions for keeping our kids God-focused was to put up visual reminders around our home of our faith. I can’t think of a better way to do that than to put Bible verses in each room! We chose this verse for our family room because both adults and children need constant reminding of this truth 🙂

We don’t have cable and when we (rarely) watch TV, we watch it via hulu on our computer. You can see all the electronics Sean hooked up on the second-to-bottom shelf. It was actually a lot of effort to get everything working correctly between the computer and TV (we ran into a lot of obstacles).

We will eventually build a fire pit in our backyard so we decided not to use our family room fireplace for fires. Instead, we decorated it to go along with our beach theme. Driftwood, sand, shells, and candles to set the mood 🙂 Before you start envisioning toddlers throwing sand in each other’s eyes and all over the room, Sean installed plexiglass in front of the fireplace with a latch that locks. Good thing Grammie Christie and Auntie Allison gave Caleb a toy with six different latches on it (including the one Sean put on the fireplace), so he can practice unlocking it :/

Got two matching cream-colored bookshelves (also on amazon)

A sand-looking rug to go with our theme, cottage style coffee table, keyboard/mouse to operate the TV, and of course, gotta have the board games for those crazy nights of competition with family/friends

We really like decorating with photos because it makes our home feel cozy and personal to us. The left frame has our Christmas 2011 photo, the middle frame is the signature frame from our wedding with an engagement photo, and the right frame has a photo of Caleb from the wedding we just went to a couple weeks ago.

Whew! That was a lot…the only two things in the room left untouched were the ceiling and flooring. It’s such a great feeling to post this on our blog because it solidifies that we are actually done (done!) with this room!! Yeah!!! Oh and here’s a link to Caleb’s completed nursery if you haven’t seen it. Now onto the guest room…

10 Ways Pregnancy Crushed My Dignity: Parts 7, 8, & 9 – Pain, Pain, Pain

prego cartoon 2 — (My response to Sean’s post about my crazy pregnancy hormones)

If you haven’t yet read the intro to this series, you should do so before reading on for some context.

As if barfing my face off day in and day out was not enough, in about the 6th month of my pregnancy, I began feeling much more like an 85-year-old than a 25-year-old. There were three specific types of physical pain I experienced during my third trimester (hence three parts to this post), but this segment also easily deserves 3/10 of the pregnancy series because these aches were, well, that painful.

7. Back Pain. Like many pregnant women in their third trimester, my lower back began aching quite a bit from the pressure of the baby and from postural changes that occur while growing a babe. I won’t go into detail here about the back pain I experienced during pregnancy, because it actually became a much more significant problem after giving birth (I will blog about my recovery and the few weeks following Caleb’s birth once I complete the pregnancy series).

8. Rib Pain. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am short and petite. Unfortunately, my body did not recognize that fact as it went about growing a baby. While most other short/petite people (in my experience) grow huge tummies that stick out super far to accommodate the baby (plus their own organs), my tummy grew the positively minimum amount required (in contrast to pretty much every other part of my body). Please reference below a picture of me and my friend, Ally, exactly one month before Caleb was born (we are of a similar height and build, and we were at the exact same point in our pregnancies). You may need to click on the photo and enlarge it to see better, but her belly protrudes a solid4 inches further than mine.

So what? Well, since Caleb was not growing outwards so much, he evicted all my existing organs and wedged himself all up ins my rib cage. There were times when I legitimately questioned if his leg was caught in between two of my ribs. Yes, I realize that is not anatomically correct, but I could swear he was training to be the next karate kid because my ribs felt like they were being used as punching (kicking?) bags. Every time I sat down, I had to lean back and continuously push Caleb downwards to relieve the overwhelming pressure on my ribs. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but nothing compared to the…

9. Pelvic Pain. The other bodily aches were a challenge, but it was the pelvic pain above all else that was the dignity-crushing-clincher of my last trimester. I’m sitting here debating which was worse – the pelvic pain or being terribly sick for all nine months…and really, it’s a toss up. At about 6 months, I developed a condition called pelvic girdle pain (PGP) and I’m not entirely sure why I got it, but two causes of PGP mentioned on wikipedia are “hypermobility, genetical ability to stretch joints beyond normal range” and a “history of pelvic trauma”…which I suppose could both be explained by my cheerleading/dancing days growing up…please reference picture below (both my feet are touching the wall):

Ok actually, as I examine that picture in this moment, I know exactly where the PGP came from, haha!! In any case, it is no doubt the worst (chronic) pain I have ever experienced and certainly the most debilitating. As the pain in my pelvis quickly intensified, I required assistance to stand up, roll over in bed, get out of bed, walk any notable distance, get in and out of a car, and go up and down stairs. Additionally, I developed a sharp shooting pain that would radiate down my right inner thigh at random times while walking…stopping me dead in my tracks for several moments.

For the entire last month of my pregnancy, I slept in our living room recliner because it had become too painful to get in and out of bed (even with assistance), and I could no longer lay on my side (let alone sleep), because the pain was far too intense. Moreover, when I was in labor, the nurse kept making me turn on my side to wake Caleb up (which I had not done in a month), and I am not exaggerating when I say the pain in my pelvis easily matched the pain of the contractions. It’s impossible to describe what the pain was really like, but the best picture I can paint is a feeling like my pelvis was getting dislocated over and over again while simultaneously being crushed by something very heavy (i.e. Caleb).

Do you understand now why I felt like an 85-year-old?? I walked as slow as one, required as much assistance (if not more) as one, lost most of my personal freedom like one, and of course, lost my bladder control like one. It was a very difficult and frustrating situation for me, because I couldn’t do almost anything or go anywhere by myself. It was embarrassing at best. Wikipedia actually describes the psychosocial impact of PGP rather accurately: “PGP in pregnancy seriously interferes with participation in society and activities of daily life; the average sick leave due to posterior pelvic pain during pregnancy is 7 to 12 weeks. In some cases women with PGP may also experience emotional problems such as anxiety over the cause of pain, resentment, anger, lack of self-esteem, frustration and depression; she is three times more likely to suffer postpartum depressive symptoms.”

Well, that was a fatty downer. However, in the spirit of keeping these posts optimistic, I’ll leave you with this encouraging thought: if Sean ever decided to leave engineering, he has more than enough experience to launch a highly successful career as a hospice nurse. Such a well-rounded husband.

The other 9 ways pregnancy crushed my dignity:

Part 1 – Constipation
Parts 2 & 3 – Appetite and Weight Gain
Part 4 – Mourning Sickness
Part 5 – Incontinence
Part 6 – Crazy Hormones
Part 10, the Pinnacle – Diarrhomit

Also, read about Caleb’s birth:

Caleb’s Birth Story: Rated PG-13 for Language, Nudity, and Drugs 🙂

And here’s the adventures we had after Caleb’s birth:

Go Caleb!!!

At 10 months 1 week, Caleb took his first steps yesterday! I know all babies figure out how to walk at some point, but that doesn’t change the fact that I am such a proud mama right now!! He even finished off the video with a sweet little wave (which he just learned how to do about a week-and-a-half ago). It was definitely one of the most exciting moments of mommy-hood so far 🙂 My next favorite moment might be when Caleb was looking around at the wedding I was a bridesmaid in on Saturday, saw me at the head table, developed a huge grin on his face, and started waving madly at me…I’m pretty sure my heart melted to mush…

Go Caleb!!!

10 Ways Pregnancy Crushed Melissa’s Dignity: Part 6 – Crazy Hormones

If you haven’t yet read the intro to this series, you should do so before reading on for some context.

Just in case you forgot that I (Sean) was somehow involved in the whole baby-making process, Melissa and I thought it would be interesting for me to weigh in on her pregnancy from my perspective.

I think we can all agree that hormones are a potent and terrifying force in the human body. Just think back to that horribly awkward phase in middle school when your acne was so substantial that your pimples were producing prolific sub-pimple populations of their own. Poor Melissa, when she became pregnant it was like hitting puberty for the second time. Just a couple weeks into the pregnancy and BOOM, her entire body looked like a pepperoni pizza. Actually, I think it was even worse than puberty…I mean, she was getting zits in places I didn’t even know you could get zits. Sadly, Melissa was so sick during her pregnancy I think the only thing that ever “glowed” were her pimples. Typically Melissa doesn’t get many pimples (previously she had only had like 3 non-face zits in her whole life), so you can imagine why it was a shock to her system and a little dignity crushing.

Moreover, Melissa has a young-looking face and oftentimes gets mistaken for a teenager. Aside from the fact that pimples are just irritating, they further indicated to strangers walking by that she was, in fact, 16-years-old. We kept wondering why we were getting so many condescending “raised eyebrow” stares at the mall one day, when we finally realized that Melissa’s already young-looking face coupled with the army of pimples made us look like the “impregnated teen by creepy older man” scenario.

The specific hormone associated with pregnancy is called “hCG,” and in the first 10 weeks after becoming pregnant, the amount of hCG in a woman’s body will double every two days. In other words, there was over 10 BILLION times more hCG in Melissa’s body after just ten weeks of pregnancy. In my mind that was a perfectly good excuse for any and all irrational behavior exhibited by my wife…and there was a lot to choose from.

Under normal circumstances, I cry much more often than Melissa. In fact, I think know I cried at the end of Terminator 2 when Ah-nold destroyed himself in molten iron and sacrificed his own life to save humans from the threat of an evil robot takeover in the future. So you can imagine my surprise when Melissa began crying more often than myself…and the sources of her tears much less meaningful (if this is possible), than a robot laying down his life for his friends.

Have you seen all those “first response” pregnancy test advertisements? I could have saved the 20 bucks because I knew she was pregnant three days before she peed on that “first response” stick. What gave it away? She was sobbing in the shower with absolutely no explanation as to why she was crying. I’ve heard girls sometimes cry for no reason, but this was a first in our relationship. A few weeks later, I walked into our bedroom to find Melissa lying face down on the bed, her tears soaking the bedspread as she sobbed. Concerned, I rushed over and exclaimed “what is wrong!?” Her reply was something to the effect of: “when I was walking to the grocery store, my legs got itchy…and now I’m really tired and sad.” Now Melissa prides herself on the fact that she is not typically subject to mood swings, irritability, and emotional overreaction, so there was certainly a loss of dignity when she felt her emotions were spiraling out of control.

While “irrational emotionalism” is a well-known side effect of hormonal changes, I would like to point out a much less documented, yet no less mind-boggling effect which I have labeled “obsessive indecisiveness.” If a decision relating to the baby needed to be made, regardless of how small or inconsequential, there was suddenly a minimum of 20 hours that would be devoted to research, deliberation, and agonizing comparisons before a conclusion could be made. That ended phase 1. Phase 2 commenced with changing our minds, then compiling 100 hours worth of additional data to justify the change. I think phase 3 was crying, accompanied by an argument about why the decision was taking so long. Finally, in phase 4, we would re-change our minds back to the original decision to go with the jungle-themed jumper, rather than the forest-themed jumper. Oh, and when I say change “our” minds…I really mean that one mind was changing, and the other mind was shooting itself in the face.

This pattern was manifest most notably in the process of registering for gifts. We registered on Amazon.com, which is a wonderful site. The only problem is that the vast wealth of product information and incredible variety of choices can create a hormone-induced feeding frenzy for the obsessive-indecisive mind. For most products on amazon, I am impressed if there are more than 100 customer reviews, but there is actually a baby toy on amazon with over 1,700 opinions. It is a rubber giraffe that squeaks. That’s it. This is how I know that obsessive-indecisive disorder is real, and it affects millions of pregnant women every year. Your loved ones may be suffering from this condition if they make comments like: “I think the extra $2500 is worth it for the organic crib sheets. After all, the cotton was grown in the Himalayan mountains with classical music playing in the background. And it is SIDS-resistant. And it is so much softer. And it will smell better. And it will make our child smarter. And ultimately, without it, our baby will surely die…”

Melissa said in another post that her pregnancy was a very long 9 months…it was a very long 9 months indeed. Who do you think was her 24-7 therapist and personal janitor for all those messes she’s been writing about?

The other 9 ways pregnancy crushed my dignity:

Part 1 – Constipation
Parts 2 & 3 – Appetite and Weight Gain
Part 4 – Mourning Sickness
Part 5 – Incontinence
Parts 7, 8, & 9 – Pain, Pain, Pain
Part 10, the Pinnacle – Diarrhomit

Also, read about Caleb’s birth:

Caleb’s Birth Story: Rated PG-13 for Language, Nudity, and Drugs 🙂

And here’s the adventures we had after Caleb’s birth:

Why 9 Months of Torture Was Worth It

Sean is currently working on writing part 6 of the pregnancy series (oohhh, spoiler alert!), so in the interim I decided to give our blog a massive makeover to make it more user friendly and easier to read…hope you like the changes! I’m still working on a few things, so if you have any suggestions as to how to make it better or if there is anything you would like to see on our blog, I’d appreciate the feedback!

I also thought it would be encouraging to make a mid-series post giving a glimpse to all you ladies who now fear pregnancy like it’s global warming why it is all worth it and why I would even do it again. It’s moments like these that bring so much joy to my heart and make me love this little munchkin that much more (if that’s even possible!) Who knew retractable badges could be that hilarious!? We cropped the video but he did this for almost 5 minutes!

Caleb’s Nursery – Our First Completed Room/Project in our New Home…go us!

5 months after moving into our house and 9 months after Caleb was born, we finally have a finished nursery! All you pregnant mamas who are stressing over finishing your nursery can now rest assured knowing there are others (namely me) who are far tardier than you – ha!

This is what the room (blindingly) looked like before moving in:

After much deliberation, Caleb decided glossy hot pink was not quite his color…so 3 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint later, here’s what it looks like now:

Sean even installed recessed lighting…I knew there would eventually be a payoff for marrying a nerdy engineer 😉